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Dear Jen,

Oh yes. You need to cuddle the "big" kids more. Just because you are all cuddled out from cuddling Gray all day long, doesn't mean that they don't need cuddles. Your kids need cuddles to grow healthy. Give it to them.

Love

The Universe

Dear Jen,

No. Really, when we point you in the direction of Meditation, you are supposed to do it!

Love,

The Universe

"Labeling a child as “difficult” points to something in ourselves rather than the child. We admit we cannot handle this child in the context of the other children. This child explodes the bubble in which we want our children to be contained. We want the children to do just what we want...

One of the biggest impediments to our moving forward is our addiction to contentment...we want everything to be harmonious and nice. When we are led by this desire to be comfortable, we are not open to hearing the true child speak...

Life is structured in time. Human development is a process in time. Our society is one that expects quick answers and solutions, so this process puts us at odds with modern expectations. As educators, we have to understand that what is done with a child now will have its results in the future, in later life. As helping companions to the child, we must also have patience that the dialogue with the true spiritual being of the child will not happen instantly. The processes of emptying, looking, listening, and sensing require time and patience. We must be able to withstand the discomfort we feel in not being able to come up with an answer right away. We have to wait to permit the world to imprint itself into us so we can realize the meaning of what we see. This requires patience and tolerance to live with the frustration of not having a quick answer...

The world is a classroom, as it is a mystery temple. Waldorf education can happen everywhere, and some children require this wider vista. Every situation of daily life can become curriculum for Waldorf education.

Difficult children do not exist. Children with difficult behaviors do. We need to develop a knowing-understanding through an “emptying-out” attitude, where we do not label, we do not react. The children need us to say “yes” to them, which will be our virtue development because they require us to be on a path of inner development. We can picture ourselves as musicians who “lift” our musicianship to a soul capacity where we can bring about social harmony and create music in social situations. The children who experience this lifting into selfless, social skills will be affected in their bodies. We affect the children’s bodies by who we are and what we do. This fundamental transformation of attitude — saying “yes” to the child — is what is required."

Working and Living with So-Called Difficult Children by Nancy Blanning Gateway, Issue 54

A good article basically describing why I'm homeschooling.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-robinson/teachers-dont-like-boys-m_b_215963.html

 

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Gray got me up at 5. (But he went back to sleep at 5:40 after a good nursing)
Ike and Elli just woke up and are now watching TV. (I'm wondering if they keep waking up early 'cause I'm no longer letting them watch TV during the day and this is the only time they get it. Something to ponder.)

I'm not sure I like being up this early in the morning.

But the bird song is pretty.

A bout a month ago I took a Journaling class and I wanted to put in here one of the entries that I wrote.

Dialog Journaling Exercise

Question: Gray, what do you dream about? (Gray was about 2 weeks old at this)

I dream of warmth. Warmth surrounding me, keeping me safe and cozy. I dream of sucking warmth. I dream of it sliding down my throat and filling the terrible emptiness and loneliness. I dream of smells, Mama holding me close, of my brother covered in dirt, my sisters smell of paint. I dream of being loved and cherished. I dream of swimming on the uterine sea, enveloped by warmth, held close and barely any room to wiggle

Gray is 6 weeks old today! So I took him to get his picture taken

Back here I stated that there aren’t any Waldorf Schools in San Jose, not that I could afford them anyway.

Well I was wrong. There is a Waldorf school in San Jose (and at $9k a year I still can’t afford it). It’s a very small school, it only has Pre, Kinder and 1st (next year expanding to 2nd, with plans to stop at 5th) BUT the owner is very smart and is marketing a niche. Enrichment programs for homeschoolers. I looked at their offerings and discovered that Fridays are their “Nature Awareness Day” where they spend the entire school day at Sanborn Park, rain or shine. This is PERFECT for Ike. And at a cost of less than $2k for the academic year, affordable.

So I arranged for a School Tour for us today. We got to meet the owner, next years 1st grade teacher, got to hang out in the Pre/Kinder room (where the girls happily joined in the activity, playing and then making pasta) and got to observe the 1st grade class in session (only 3 kids!!!! How cool is that???) and I fell in love with the place. I think its perfect for Ike and the rest of the family.

So for the last few weeks, I’ve been reading everything I could get my hands on regarding Waldorf education. The more I read the more impressed I am. Especially after seeing it in action. It just kills me that I can’t send all the kids there…I think they all would just thrive. Yes, yes, I’m planning on homeschooling using a Waldorf-based curriculum. I’m still suffering the doubts of “Am I doing the right thing?” And I probably will continue to do so. It’s a natural pitfall of being a Mom. The constant second guessing myself and my decisions. I still do think it’s the best thing I can do for the kids, especially Ike.

However, I did get so inspired by what I saw today, I thought for a moment. How do I afford giving my kids this education? And it hit me…Duh! Become part of the Faculty! If I love this so much to give it to my kids, why not learn how to give it to other kids. I LOVED what I saw today, and part of me really wants to be part of it!  (Again, as a Homeschooler, I would be a part of it...but you know what I mean.)

From my reading I know that there’s Ruldof Steiner College up in Fair Oaks. So I bopped over to their website and discovered that its only a 2 year program to get the credential. Bonus! There’s a part time weekend program in San Francisco! (Is this what you’ve been doing labelleizzy ?) That method takes 3 years, it would cost more in the long run, but it gives me the ability to continue to Homeschool my kids and work on my own education.

This is something I must ponder much more thoroughly…

So I found out that there’s a Craft and Folk Art Museum in San Francisco. Since Joe’s Mom and I are big fans of the Crafted goods, I thought this would be a good excursion for the family. So yesterday, I called Ike in sick to school and we all loaded into the van and headed to the City. We left late (11AM) so by the time we hit South San Francisco, people were hungry. We stopped at Chipolte for lunch where all three kids refused to eat. Their loss!

Back into the van and up to the City. Search for parking, going round and round blocks in order to be going the right direction to get into the parking lot at 5th and Mission. (No left turns….Grrrr!) Get everybody out, walk the block or so to the museum where we discover…its closed! And its not noted on the website!

Good thing I had a backup plan.

We reloaded the van with everyone and crossed the city over to Golden Gate park and got to the California Academy of Science. Its the first time we've made it since it reopened. Going to pay to get in, we quickly determined that a membership for us is really cost effective, so we will be going back another time. A great time was had by all, Elli kept running off though. The kids got interviewed by a KRON camera crew about why its important to save the oceans. We got there around 2:30 and by the time the place closed at 5, everyone was ready to go.

We headed home, with a small detour to IKEA for dinner and a few supplies.

Ike and Elli fell asleep on the way home and we were able to transfer them to beds...relatively easy.

It was a long day, but a good one.

Next Adventure on the Calendar? Maker Faire on Sunday! Is anyone else going?

But I learned to knit yesterday for a good reason.

Joe and I decided to Homeschool Ike next year.

Why? For several reasons.

One of the most important is time. Ike isn't figuring out how to read. I don't think its that important for a Kindergartner to read, in fact, I think its quite ridiculous to teach reading to kids that young. Some kids (especially boys) just aren't ready, and it stresses them out unnecessarily to push it on them. And we are seeing that reaction to the pressure at home. Ike hates school and says he's dumb because he can't learn to read. I know Ike is a smart boy, he will figure it out. But schools are no longer set up to give the kids the time they need to figure it out.

Another is one of my original objections to public school (although to be honest, most schools are like this now). They teach to the test. There is so much pressure on the schools to show quantifiable proof that they are "educating" our children, I think waaaaaay too many important things get thrown aside. Like art, PE, time to play, time to be a kid. I hate the fact that Ike has HOMEWORK! WTF? Kinders don't need homework, and I don't need a stupid sheet to prove that I'm reading to my kid every day. Hello? Librarian! There are two serious Bibliophiles in this house...that is not a problem. (Getting them to pay attention while I read, that's the problem).

I know, I can hear you asking "What about a private school?" Too damned expensive. And the majority of the private schools in this area are even bigger pressure cookers than the public schools. (Something about “Not challenging the kids enough”) Ike needs less pressure (but still structure and rhythm), not more! There are a couple I’d be willing (hell, I’d love it) to send him to. One is Los Altos at the tune of $17K a year, one in Santa Cruz at $12K a year, and one in Campbell at $15K a year. I don’t think so!

And one of the last, which had the hugest impact and prompted me to research my options, Ike’s Kinder teacher turned to me at one of our Parent/Teacher conferences, looked me in the eye and stated flatly “Do NOT send Ike here for 1st grade. He won’t thrive, he won’t survive, and it won’t be good for him. Send him somewhere else.” He’s too physically active and too strongly a kinetic learner for the normal classroom.

Well, damn. Hard to ignore that. She conceded that the local Charter would be slightly better, but since he didn’t get in (again), the question is moot.

So, for the last few months I have been reading everything about homeschooling I could get my hands on. And with ILL, I’ve read A LOT recently. I’ve been researching different curriculums, and recently made a choice and purchased what I need for next year. We will be using the Oak Meadow curriculum. I liked it because the pace of the curriculum is MUCH slower. It’s heavily focused on art and nature. Ike does best when he’s outside, so catering to this strength makes sense. I also recently figured out that it’s also a Waldorf program, so recently I’ve been reading up a lot on the Waldorf method. (Two of the private schools that I’d love to send him to are Waldorf…why in the hell don’t we have a Waldorf school in the South Bay? There are FOUR up in Sac…why don’t we have one here? Not that I could afford it anyway….)

So, what in the hell does this have to do with me learning to knit yesterday? Part of the 1st grade curriculum is knitting. I don’t know how, so I needed to learn. Ike watched me practicing yesterday and has already asked that I teach him (YES! I knew it would work that way. Ike, hell, my kids, never want to learn anything unless and until they catch me doing it. Then they want to learn.) I like it, but I don’t see myself knitting clothes (although socks are kinda cool, but sweaters? Nah.) I spent time after class looking at the patterns for knitting toys (there’s some pretty cool ones) I’m also having to teach myself how to draw. I don’t know how, so I stink. I looked at several different books from the library, picked one and got it in the mail yesterday (Drawing with Children by Mona Brookes). I also took a workshop class last week on how to keep Nature Journals. (Not necessarily part of the curriculum, but something I’m swiping from the Charlotte Mason Camp of Homeschooling, it will dovetail nicely I think). I’ve gathered the supplies for those, and just need to start sitting in the backyard keeping my journal until the kids ask for their own

So far this is the thing I like most about this “Homeschooling” thing. Already it’s forcing me to grow beyond my comfort zone. To learn new things, and to stretch myself. I haven’t even started yet, but the preparation is making me learn. And I’m actually kinda excited about the whole thing.

I have several friends who Homeschool their own kids, so we have a built in social network. The Silicon Valley has some of the largest and most active Homeschool groups in the country, so there will be lots to do, lots of people to meet, we won’t be alone.

We’ve thought this out, I have a plan of action. We will thrive!

"Joy and Happiness in living, a love of all existence, a power and energy for work-such are the lifelong results of a right cultivation of the feeling for beauty and art." -Rudolf Steiner

"The need for imagination, a sense of truth and a feeling of responsibility-these are the three forces which are the very nerve of education." -Rudolf Steiner

For the third time in a week, I've gotten glutened.

The first time was french fries cooked in contaminated oil. That just gives me a headache and a little digestive problems.

The second time was Saturday. A friend brought dinner over from Boston Market. She had asked the guy behind the counter if a particular side was safe (Squash Casarole) and he said it was.  I ate one bite and said "I don't think so, there's breadcrumbs in the casarole" I looked up the info on the website and yes, it does in fact contain gluten. I got a nasty headache, big digestive problems, stomach cramps, and I just realized its why I've been tired for the last 2 days even though I've been feeling awesome since Gray showed up.

The third time was tonight. Another friend brought over dinner (someone who completely understand the whole celiac thing no less!) She brought over her standby Asian Chicken and Rice Salad. Which is wonderful! I didn't notice until I almost finished the second bowl that, in addition to normal rice, and wild rice, it contained standard orzo pasta. *hang head* I've already taken Advil for the massive headache that is building, I'll be downing Immodium for the digestive problems, and I think I'll just go to bed for the next couple of days....

Now for the humor of the meal. Ike came in while Joe and I were eating, looked at the salad, pulled out a grape with his bare, dirty fingers and Joe started berating him for not having "a bare minimum of table manners" and I, not thinking, piped up. "So speaks the man with his mouth full of food" I got a dirty look from Joe, while Ike and I just looked at each other and started to giggle. It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but its been the first time in a LOOOOOONG time that something slid past my filters.

And it really was funny though.

Waaaaay back...when I was pregnant with Ike, there was very little in the way of plus sized maternity clothes...in fact I never did find any. I resorted to busting out my "uber-fat" clothes. Which I used again when pregnant with the girls...and used a few while pregnant with Gray (I lucked out this time. I actually found plus size maternity jeans at the mall. I wore them and my normal shirts for the majority of the pregnancy)

I just bagged up and readied for donation all those fat clothes that I've been using as maternity clothes.

That felt good.

Okay, I have seriously got to make a Gray icon, everyone else has one.

So being a newborn, he is only active and alert a couple of times a day for about an hour a pop. I've managed to give him a foot and leg massage for the last couple of days...he quiets right down and positively coos as I do it.

Too cute!

So last Tuesday, while in the hospital, and after I had only caught a one hour nap after having Gray, the floor midwife came into my room to do a quick after-birth exam. During which, I managed to knock my CPAP to the ground and breaking it.

Okay, semi-breaking it. It became extremely cranky about functioning. But function it did. Or at least well enough to get me through this week when I had a bit of time and energy to deal with it.

After finally getting off my butt Monday morning I called Kaiser and found out that: A. It was still under warranty. B. I could just go to Apria's drop in hours and they would fix it for me.

So Gray and I went for a ride to the north end of San Jose yesterday. Wherein I left 30 minutes after arrival with a brand new CPAP. Which works very nicely. (Okay, we also stopped at my favorite, mulitple resident kitties, used bookstore on the way home too)

Now, I have a different problem. I'm losing weight...and my mask is no longer fitting me correctly. I'm losing seal. And I don't want to keep tightening the straps...its how I gave myself a bunch of headaches last month. So, I need to call Kaiser again, and see about getting fit for a new mask. Yea, I probably could have done that yesterday, but I didn't think about it until about 5AM this morning.

Last Friday I tried on one of my pairs of normal (non-maternity wear) shorts. They were too small.

I tried them on this morning...now they are a bit loose.

Currently 17lbs below pre-pregnancy weight and counting...

( Cut for those who might not want to know )