About a week ago, I thought I was being a Bad Homeschooling Mama.
I had no plan.
The last time I planned to teach First Grade I took an entire summer to figure out what in the heck I was going to do, and how I was going to do it. This time it's different. Elli and Gwen are not Ike. I also know a whole lot more than I did 3 years ago. Last month I ran back to homeschooling after pondering it for a week. The girls went to school on a Friday, the following Monday...they did not. I had a crutch so I could stall. I was given the first 10 days of Form Drawing and the first Math block. But after that...nothing planned. And even then, I did not want to start the first math block after that form drawing block. And Oh, I'm going to be gone for a week in the middle of October for my observation at Santa Cruz Waldorf. So what to do? Well, I fell back on advice from my Mentor Melisa. "Don't teach anything unless you are prepared to do so." Always good advice.
So this last Monday, I told the girls I wasn't ready to teach them the next block of studies. We played. I pondered. I read. We cuddled and read lots of fairy tales. We knit. I cleaned. We went to the park. I spent most of the week sick (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) and spent most of Thursday sleeping (I have such an amazing husband...let me tell you!). And on Friday afternoon I did actually do some planning. And then, AFTER all that...I got inspired. I found it. The container story and the approach I wanted to use to teach the alphabet, phonics, spelling, and the math. How I wanted to present the Fairy Tales. How to turn First Grade this time around from "Following Melisa's Plans"....to creating my own. Admittedly by stealing the best ideas from ALL of my teachers and fusing them together in a way to work for my Elli and Gwen. But, I finally found the Art. I've made it MINE.
Now, in this place, I finally feel...I'm a Waldorf Teacher.
I'm not a Mama playing at being a Teacher. I'm not a Student-Teacher in over her head, I am a Teacher.