aelfie (aelfie) wrote,

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Some thinking on my own

One of CJ's latest entries has prompted my own inner musings about friendships.

Or more specifically, my lack thereof.

For my entire life at any given time, I have had, usually, one really good girlfriend. By this I mean, someone I could call on the phone for no reason at all just to chat. Or say "I need to go grocery shopping, wanna come?" Or something stupid like that. For most of my life, after a period of time, there is a falling out, sometimes positive (drifting apart after high school) and sometimes negative (huge fight). But it has always bothered me that I've never had the circle of girlfriends that "most" other women seem to have. Am I a loner at nature? Dunno, I don't think so. Is this a learned habit? Quite possibly.

Neither of my parents have what I would call a large circle of friends. My Dad has one best friend and really doesn't socialize with anyone else. (the fact that his wife is a total, and complete bitch that nobody can stand, just might have something to do with it. But that's just my opinion.) My mother has had one best friend for more than 30 years and really hasn't any other girlfriends either. (FYI, Joe's parents aren't any better. Strange concidence I think.)

Anyway, I didn't gather a circle of friends until after college. But the life of the Valley makes in next to impossible to see any of them with any regularity (see CJ's entry) and it is damn well depressing.

Joe and I have always stated that we wanted to leave the Valley, as its a crappy place to raise kids. (Schools suck, too bloody expensive to live here, too many assholes live here, etc, etc.) But now, as we have kids, and am contemplating moving to, not only another city, but another state, I find myself reluctant to do so.

Part of it's family history. My kids are 6th generation Bay Areans, and I'm the only one not born in Santa Clara County. My family's second farm is still standing in Santa Clara as a museum, I grew up in that house. The family houses in Willow Glen are still there too and are worth amounts of money that would make my Great-Grandmother sigh in disbelief. The farm my dad grew up on is now under a subdivision, and the farm my Gram grew up on is now a strip mall. I've not only got a lot of history here, but my entire family is still here. And I know them all. I am reluctant to leave, not my mother (I know she'll follow us, bleh), but my grandmother. I'm here only grandchild. She was only 41 when I was born, she truly is my other mother, and I can't stand the idea of not living near her.

The other part is that for the first time in my life, I have a true support network. I've never had girlfriends like I do now and I've always wanted them. I know that if I called any one of the Mom's from Ike's playgroup in the middle of the night, they would be at my side as fast as they could drive (and a couple did do so in this last pregnancy) I see these women 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more often, I can pick up the phone to just talk to anyone of them (but who the hell has the time chasing kids?). Or call and say I'm bored...want to go to the park? I have many friends both on and off LJ whom I love and adore, for whom I would walk thru fire for, but this group of Mothers is something completely different. And I don't know how to describe it. I think its the constant contact. The fact that I know that every tuesday and friday morning, I'll see my friends. And that's comforting. And I really, really do not want to give that up.

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