aelfie (aelfie) wrote,
aelfie
aelfie

Go Me!

So last night I was revisiting my child as a plant meditation (results? Not good) and ended up asking the Universe what can I do to get control of my anger and impatience. The Universe spoke clearly. Get more sleep. Take better care of yourself.

With that fairly clear message I realized I'm starting to walk down that well traveled path to exhaustion, burnout, self inflicted martyrdom, depression and suicidal urges. (And while journaling about it, I realized. "Hey! There's a hole in the path, I don't wanna jump in there again, it sucks! I'm walking around it!) So I thought about it, and meditated on what might I ask someone, anyone to do for me to make life easier on me. And I realized that my hardest day of the week, the one where I'm guaranteed to totally lose my temper and ending up saying and doing things to Ike I regret...is the night when Joe goes to Tae kwon do classes after work instead of coming home.

I didn't want to ask him to give that up. Its his way of getting exercise (something we all need) and a great way for him to de-stress. The man works hard, he deserves some time to himself. Then the Universe slapped me upside the head and said "Ask anyway."

So I screwed up my courage and told him what I was thinking/feeling.

Wonderful man readily agreed to give up his weekday night classes. We'll revisit the topic again in 2 months when the next session starts.
 
Considering what a good relationship we have, it was a lot harder for me to ask for this particular type of help than I thought it would be. Asking him to do the laundry? Big deal, but asking for serious help that impinges on his life and time? That takes more courage. I hate admitting I need it. I still feel like I'm supposed to do it all.

I think I'm slowly realizing I can't. And that's okay.

I'm actually proud of myself. I chose to not walk that path again. I recognized the pitfall, and decided to walk around it. How cool is that?

(and yes I see the irony of still being up at 10:15)
Tags: self
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