aelfie (aelfie) wrote,

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Book Review:

Raising our children, raising ourselves: transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power, and joy. by Naomi Aldort.

mollygm  would give this book a thumbs down.

There are some good points and techniques made. Somethings I called bullshit on, somethings made me laugh out loud.

Her S.A.L.V.E. is I think a good selling point. It stands for:
S-Separate yourself from your childs behavior and emotions with Silent Self Talk". Basically, don't react to what's going on. Say what you would normally say in anger silently to yourself, try to figure out what's causing your emotions,  take a deep breath and then ...
A-Attention on your child. Pay attention to what's actually happening inside your kid
L-Listen to what your kid is saying
V-Validate your kids emotions and feelings
E-Empower your kid to resolve the emotion/problem on their own with your help.

Sounds very touchy feely. I like it because it reminds me to think before I blow my top. And gives me a thought process to work through.

I called bullshit on her opinions on children doing chores or any other cleaning up (i.e. cleaning up after themselves). To sum up, you ask your child for help and accept a no if that's their choice because to allow them to do so allows them to act "authentically" And to remember that "Everything becomes a joy when it is a free choice" and "Coercing children into doing housework against their will may be the reason why so many adults detest chores." Sorry! BS! We detest doing chores 'cause its not fun. Personally, I'd rather read or stitch. But I like a clean house and a clean spoon when I open the drawer. We share a house, everyone enjoys the clean house, everyone needs to pitch in to help keep it clean. And we learn that how? By doing chores as kids.

Two things made me laugh.
1. This great quote from L.S Vygotsky: "People with great passions, people who accomplish great deeds, people who possess strong feelings, people with great minds and strong personalities rarely come out of good little boys and girls."  Too true! Its something to remember.
2. The old scenario comparing a new sibling to a spouse bringing home another mate with the added expectation of compersion, joy and willingness to share your spouse. That argument doesn't work too well with someone who's poly. Joe brings home another husband? Works for me, more income and some help! Another wife? Cool. More help! =)

Overall it was okay. It had its good points, but it just struck me as Attachment Parenting taken to an extreme. Its going back to the Library.

Tags: books

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