aelfie (aelfie) wrote,

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Bits and pieces of me

So a couple of weeks back I mentioned that I was feeling, crap. =) I'm beginning to feel like I did after the girls were born, you know, suicidal and depressed? I had the inspiration to email my OB and ask for a thyroid panel. I finally managed to get down to Kaiser on Sunday and had the blood drawn. Got the results early Monday morning. Hey! My thyroid is off. Time to go back on the meds! I have felt immensely better emotionally this week. Big bonus? I'm more able to control my temper. What a concept!

The message from the Universe "I am worthy" is still going around in my brain. I'm realizing that I am worthy of many things. Of Being Loved. Of the responsibility of four kids. Of taking the time to take care of myself. (That's a big one) Its interesting to me, seeing where its reverberating and the subsequent realizations are resulting.

My parents have been divorced since 1982. Early last summer my Dad asked me if it was okay with me, if he asked Mom out. My response was that every kid from a divorce harbors a secret desire for their parents to reconcile. So he did and they've been together ever since. Currently they are on a 3 week cruise in Europe. Other than the cognitative dissonance its caused over the last year or so, its been really interesting. I've enjoyed saying "My parents are doing thus and such". I like the idea of calling my Mom's apartment and having my Dad answer. I really like that I get to see both of them at holidays. I was meditating the other night and started crying. I realized that my family is whole for the first time since I was a very small child. I had not realized until that moment how deep and how devastating the wounds of my parents divorce and my loss of my first family were. I was just so used to that gaping hole, it didn't seem very big anymore. It wasn't until it was healed, that I noticed how bad it really was. When they get back, I need to tell them how much this has meant to me too.

I'm finding that 2010 is already shaping up to be very busy. I've got at least 3 (4?) different conferences all over Northern California, that I want to attend. Plus the trip back East to visit Joe's parents (let me tell you, I am NOT looking forward to trying to take 4 kids cross country. The only reason why I'm willing to attempt it is that my Mom is coming with us. And I'll admit, I shamelessly guilted her into it. It will be good to visit with Joe's family...but the travel part. Oy.)

Homeschooling is turning out a lot better than I thought it would. Ike seems to really enjoy what we are doing and that part of the day at least goes well. Its the rest of the day...that causes the problems. I'm just taking it slow and just fitting in what I can. Anything beyond the core curriculum is a bonus. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I've got 4 kids including an almost 5 month old baby. I'm doing great thank you very much!

I finally found out that I passed the Oral Exam for the County Library Position. I'm number 60 on the list. I don't think I'll be getting a call from these people about a job anytime soon. But nonethe less, I'm on the list. Not that I'm really looking for a job at the moment, but still.

Going for teacher training is still bopping around in my head. There's part of me that wants the training so I can do a better job of homeschooling my kids, and the other part of me wants to follow my passion of Handwork. I had been planning on establishing myself as the handwork instructor at the public school down the street. Several people in the EGA have written all grade curriculums for introducing needlework to kids. I was going to volunteer to do so, because I do feel strongly that the Hand Arts are dying and they need to be taught to children in schools in order to keep our heritage alive. My handwork skills would have to explode and go into many different directions, but I look forward to that challenge with my own kids with homeschooling. I didn't learn how to knit so I could teach it to Ike. Having to teach Ike to knit finally gave me an excuse to learn how to knit (and let me say, I'm really enjoying it. Almost done with Gray's Christmas Present).  I need to call RSC and find out if I can do Handwork Teacher Training down here. I'm not exactly clear if I have to complete Teacher Training first and then go for Handwork, or if its a parallel track. I still don't see taking training in the near future. I think I need to let Gray grow up a bit more.

Time to put the kiddo's to bed. That's enough for tonight.
Tags: musings, self

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