aelfie (aelfie) wrote,

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Freaking Allergies

I just hate it when my allergies are so bad that they wake me up. I'd rather be asleep, but no, I'm sniffling and sneezing with a really drippy nose. Can't sleep like this so I might as well get up and do something. Unfortunately, my stitching stuff is downstairs, and I don't feel energetic enough to make a trip to it. So I'll just compose my review of:

Alice in Wonderland the X-rated musical.

Musical? Since when is porn a musical. Okay, I know everyone gets naked in Hair, but okaaaay. Are people going to fuck to music? Beyond the normal annoying electronica designed to cover up the director giving directions? Strange concept. But then again, this is my introduction to '70's porn, everyone was doing a lot of drugs back then. Can you imagine what the pitch was like?

  • Alright, first impression. I am very amused that Alice is the stereotypical librarian. Bun on back of head and sexless. (i.e. isn't getting any 'cause she doesn't want to. She wants to save herself). Never mind the fact that she's not wearing a bra. (it is the '70's after all)
  • The songs are extremely cheesy, but I'll give credit, they somewhat move the plot along.
  • The numerous and frequent puns are atrocious. But then again, I'm not a pun fan, unlike some people I could mention. Actually quite a few, now that I think about it.
  • Big bonus of '70's porn: real tits! And they aren't all huge. Yea!
  • The cinematography  in a word, sucks. Okay, granted its porn. I wasn't expecting Oscar material. But the chase scene at the end looks spastic. Instead of removing every other frame, it looks like they removed every fourth and fifth. Thank God it didn't last long it was annoying me endlessly. Its also a really pan and scan. I suppose they made the DVD off the old VHS instead of the old print. Like the old print still exists. But still it was awful. It also looks like the "up close and personal" shot of the fuck scenes were added later because the cuts and rejoins were really rough.
  • Its porn with a plot and not a lot of fucking. Which has its own amusements. I actually enjoyed the plot, or at least the appearance of plot. It wasn't people fucking just 'cause they could fuck
  • There's a lot of dancing by strippers. Extremely nice! Too skinny, but nice.
  • Humpty Dumpty needs Viagra 'cause the erection that Alice gave him was a dildo. It fell off the wall the opposite way than he did.
  • Drawback of  '70's porn: Excessive use of blue eyeshadow. Blech!
  • Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are extremely amusing. Gotta love seeing a married couple in porn.
  • Gazebo!
  • Big Bonus of  '70's porn: The money shot is not in somebody's face. I just hate that about modern porn.
  • Biggest surprise? The moral message the characters try and successfully teach Alice. Don't listen to everyone else, sex isn't bad, if it feels good, go with it. I never thought of porn trying to deliver a message.
  • Overall impression? Very silly movie. Why in the hell did we spend 25 bucks on this? To quote Joe "To loan this out to our friends for their amusement." Okay, whatever.
So I've finally seen one of the porn movies I've heard Joe rant about for nearly the last 10 years. Was I amused? Yes. Was I aroused? No. Would I watch it again? Yes, with a much bigger audience 'cause I think some of the commentary from people would be funnier than the movie. Now I just have to find the other movie Sleeping Beauty Aroused. Joe says the porn part isn't worth watching, but the rest of it is. If I ever find it, I'll find out.


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